I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
