K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
