I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
