i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
