Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
