If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
