Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
