3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
