I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
