God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
