I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Randomize
