it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
