if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
