I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
how do flat chested girls get laid?
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
