hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Randomize
