Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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