i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
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you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
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I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?