a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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