i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Randomize
