And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
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