if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
i think i have herpe
just one?
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
