i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
