I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
