yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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