Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
