Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
