Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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