you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
