my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
