Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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