break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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