She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
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I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
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It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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