Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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