I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
