u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
