Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
