just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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