So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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