We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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