Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
