after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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