We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
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