Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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