TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
