Christians are straight up FREAKS
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
