Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
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