yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
