I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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