think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
