Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
