i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
