This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
