My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize