His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
