Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
