party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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