GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
