The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
