just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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