i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
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