you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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