It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
