Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
