I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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