Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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