Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Randomize
