she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
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