If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
