So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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