I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
