Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
