you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
My dick has a subreddit
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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