we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
