I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
