If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
