dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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