Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
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